Friday, June 25, 2010

So Fresh and So Clean! Loving the New

Wow!! I missed this question in a barrage of emails from people sending me fake letters and I mean FAKE. So to the Letter Writer below – my sincerest apologies for missing this.

Hi Jazzy love the Blog,

I've turned the corner into my early 30s, and I really want to meet a guy I can settle down with, and do the whole "white picket fence" thing. My problem is, I feel like I'm addicted to meeting new people. I love meeting someone new, the first date anticipation, the extra effort both he and I go to to impress and yes even the first time being intimate with someone new.

I've been in good relationships in the past, and even met some good guys recently. Inevitably though I seem to get bored. As much as my mind tells me this is a good thing, the lure of that "new guy" excitement always leads me to think whatever situation I'm in isn't "the one".

Am I not truly ready or is this something most people feel and just fight past it?

Looking for My Next First Kiss

Dearest Looking for the right thing ;)

So, who wouldn’t want that? Right? It’s funny.. this is something I struggled with comprehending for a long long time. My ex boyfriend used to tell me the exact same thing your letter says and man would it hurt to hear. He used to say he missed that feeling of meeting someone new and that he loved hearing about people’s lives, the first time together, etc. Eventually we broke up, I started dating around, and it was FUN! And I started to see what he meant, and I was afraid I’d never grow tired of it. The sparkle in someone’s eye, in your own eye, the smell of someone new, the cute little things you notice, the efforts put forth, etc. But I did grow tired. When I met the right guy, the one who had it all and every day felt new and I couldn’t wait for the next day. Because as long as we were together, it was a new day. We were growing together and learning from each other, therefore expanding and creating newness TOGETHER.

Honestly L4MFK, I think a lot of people feel this way. Some people fight past it but then find themselves in a situation that was never really right in the first place because they denied their inner voice. Others enjoy it and take one day at a time and remind themselves that THIS is what life is about. The MOMENTS. The love we feel at the time, the joy we feel, the urge to please others while being pleased ourselves. Which honestly, is what I think you should do for the time being. So what, you’re in your early 30’s, you’re clearly not having a hard time pulling men to meet. So why not enjoy it? Eventually the right man will come along and you won’t want to meet anyone else. You will find him exciting enough. He will peak your interests and then some. Maybe the men you are meeting, although kind, are boring at the core. I get the 30’s thing, I really do. But think about it, we live longer today, people do more today than they did 100 years ago, we allow ourselves enjoyment and we give ourselves some slack, and that’s because we actually learned from our ancestors who never truly enjoyed life, all work and no play. So SOMETHING has to be going right, right?

Enough lecturing right? So my ADVICE -

Perhaps the next guy that you meet; if you are really really into him, as soon as you feel things starting to “bore” or “tire”, take the initiative to set some sparks. Do something small. Bring up something he talked about before that interested you or him but that you never really elaborated on, mention something that you don’t think he really thought you were listening to, maybe try a new activity that YOU’VE never done or talk about something that makes YOU uncomfortable (trust me, that one creates some real “new” feelings) in life.

It’s also ok to wonder if the white picket really is for you. Maybe there are lingering fears inside of you that you don’t really want these things and so you’re setting these relationships up for failure without realizing it. Maybe you aren’t meant for a long term monogamous relationship? Or maybe, it’s just not the right time. And that’s ok. The American Dream isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve asked yourself these questions and you’ve come to terms that YES you do want the white picket fence, then I say – give yourself a break, enjoy what comes your way, and when the right person does, you’ll know. Trust me.

And btw, you don’t need a man to have the white picket fence :) Just make sure you get that dog.

Friends and readers – do you think our Letter Writer is looking for her next kiss or just at the wrong guys?