Alone A Lot While Husband Travels

Dear Jazzy,

So my husband travels A LOT for work. I adore my husband and miss him like crazy when he is gone. I am almost 30 years old and have a 3 year old son that is with me all day (I am a stay at home mom) but when evening comes I just get so lonely.

Does anyone have good words of advice or suggestions on what to do to fill my time while he is away? I try my best to be really supportive of him because he is just working to provide for our family. I am just curious of how others have dealt with husbands/partners that travel?

Lonely Being Alone

Dearest Lonely Being Alone -

First of all, I don’t know how you do it. That’s enough to drive an insane woman to drink :)

But – in all seriousness,

Being a stay at home Mom while your husband travels can be limiting on your social life I’m sure. I don't know if you have the ability/money to find a sitter for one night a week but I would suggest even trying that. One night a week shared with others who hold the same interest as you would make a huge difference in your feelings of lonesome. You have to take time for yourself else resentment could set in and then even your best efforts of support will wean out and everyone will be miserable.

Assuming you can find some time to free yourself from the little one here are a couple of tips :

1. Ask yourself what your interests are. Do they involve others (i.e. playing a competitive sport or board   games) or do they further isolate you (gardening, scrapbooking or watching tv)?

a. If the answer involves others, then maybe go to your local gym and try to find people who want to play a game of tennis or ping pong with you, try looking for town sponsored softball games that you can join in on

b. If you enjoy activities that tend to be more solitary maybe you can start a focus group or an interest group on those subjects. Try starting a book club, that way you can do what you enjoy and share your experiences with others. There are plenty of websites you can Google on how to start book clubs in your local area. Try taking some sewing or cooking classes, you may develop some long lasting friendships through this. Leave your house at night and hit the yoga club down the street and after you’ve done your exercise ask a friend to grab a cup of coffee or even a beer!

2. Look around for Facebook, Meetup.com, or other social networking site Groups to help you find people in your area that share similar interests as you, or start your own.

If you find you can’t get a sitter you can always try to do these things at your own house. Nice days are coming and I’m sure if you did some local searches you might find other stay at home mothers who would love to get together (with or without the kids) and chat about common interests. You could have cookouts and wine tastings all while enjoying the company of others.

Most of all : It’s extremely important to make sure your needs are being met as well as your husband and child’s needs are. You can’t be the rock all the time it’s ok to admit you get lonely and it’s even more ok to do something about it.

What can some of my other friends who live a similar life offer this pseudo single mom during times her husband travels? What about some of you that just have fantastic ideas?

~Jazzy~

Used to be Jerry McWhat?? :)

We have found ourselves another anonymous letter.... without salutation or closure. I'll call you what I want.


Dear Jazzy,

I find myself in unusual territory - a rut. There was a time when I was like Jerry McGuire and always with someone...though I hope not the same fear of being alone. But it's been over a year now since I've had someone significant in my life. There was someone I have been interested in for years and was waiting for the right moment, but recently learned she's with someone. Then there was someone I had begun getting involved with, and she told me that she's back to having sex with some guy on the side. So I know I need to go out and meet new people, but don't really have a social circle anymore, don't drink, and don't really have a clue where to find and meet someone. Any recommendations? Thanks for taking the time to consider my current dilemma.


Dearest Jerry McWannabe -

I hear you loud and clear. This is a common subject for most singles these days. Seems all our friends are married and having kids.

Let me make a few suggestions and see if anyone else has anything to say.
1. Try finding some social groups that share the same interests as you. There are plenty of activity group websites that you could google that will help you get the ball rolling. One being Meetup.com, I've found it useful.

2. Try finding an interest that women might share with you or that you might share with them. Seeing that you didn’t really spell out what some of your interests are I can’t really help you here. For example, if you are only going to the batting cages you’re odds of finding a woman might be slim. But if you hit a yoga class every Saturday I’m sure you’d spark some interest there. It’s almost spring time, a lot of women love to plant in their gardens, maybe taking a trip on over there to help some of them pack their cars full of flowers (just please don’t be cheesey and pull one out to insert between your teeth, just not sexy at all) . Maybe hitting a coffee shop in the early morning hours (maybe after yoga?) and buying the woman who grabs your attention a cup o joe or tea.

3. Try expanding your own interests and finding new things that you enjoy doing, reading, watching, eating, etc. Sometimes we don’t find what we are looking for because we aren’t doing anything different.

4. Have you tried online dating? Sites like – Match.com, True.com, eHarmoney (careful though, I heard they reject very likable people lol), or plentyoffish.com might be worth trying out.

Since you aren’t complaining about the type of women you do meet, I won’t go into asking if you are really looking for the kind that suits you best. But be sure to be honest with yourself with the kind of women you are looking for, maybe establishing upfront that she is both physically and emotionally available.

Single or Married ladies, gents, do you have any other suggestions for Mr. McWannabe? Please do share.

~Jazzy~