We have found ourselves another anonymous letter.... without salutation or closure. I'll call you what I want.
Dear Jazzy,
I find myself in unusual territory - a rut. There was a time when I was like Jerry McGuire and always with someone...though I hope not the same fear of being alone. But it's been over a year now since I've had someone significant in my life. There was someone I have been interested in for years and was waiting for the right moment, but recently learned she's with someone. Then there was someone I had begun getting involved with, and she told me that she's back to having sex with some guy on the side. So I know I need to go out and meet new people, but don't really have a social circle anymore, don't drink, and don't really have a clue where to find and meet someone. Any recommendations? Thanks for taking the time to consider my current dilemma.
Dearest Jerry McWannabe -
I hear you loud and clear. This is a common subject for most singles these days. Seems all our friends are married and having kids.
Let me make a few suggestions and see if anyone else has anything to say.
1. Try finding some social groups that share the same interests as you. There are plenty of activity group websites that you could google that will help you get the ball rolling. One being Meetup.com, I've found it useful.
2. Try finding an interest that women might share with you or that you might share with them. Seeing that you didn’t really spell out what some of your interests are I can’t really help you here. For example, if you are only going to the batting cages you’re odds of finding a woman might be slim. But if you hit a yoga class every Saturday I’m sure you’d spark some interest there. It’s almost spring time, a lot of women love to plant in their gardens, maybe taking a trip on over there to help some of them pack their cars full of flowers (just please don’t be cheesey and pull one out to insert between your teeth, just not sexy at all) . Maybe hitting a coffee shop in the early morning hours (maybe after yoga?) and buying the woman who grabs your attention a cup o joe or tea.
3. Try expanding your own interests and finding new things that you enjoy doing, reading, watching, eating, etc. Sometimes we don’t find what we are looking for because we aren’t doing anything different.
4. Have you tried online dating? Sites like – Match.com, True.com, eHarmoney (careful though, I heard they reject very likable people lol), or plentyoffish.com might be worth trying out.
Since you aren’t complaining about the type of women you do meet, I won’t go into asking if you are really looking for the kind that suits you best. But be sure to be honest with yourself with the kind of women you are looking for, maybe establishing upfront that she is both physically and emotionally available.
Single or Married ladies, gents, do you have any other suggestions for Mr. McWannabe? Please do share.
~Jazzy~
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I totally agree, I think finding places where you can meet people that have similar interests.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I met at church because that was something that both of us were passionate about. Think of something that you would love to have in someone and figure out a place that you might meet someone with that something. (like church if that is important to you or the gym if you like to workout)
What is one thing that EVERYONE has in common? Eating! Go to the grocery store dude. If you don't know how to cook, learn. Women love comparing tastes/recipes etc. and get shaky in the knees over a guy who knows his way around a kitchen.
ReplyDeleteThey say those cheesy websites work for some people. Match, POF, eHarmony, etc. I never had luck except with perverted creeps, but I imagine after sorting through the riff-raff there are some sincere people there. I ended up with my best friend, which I had never thought possible, and we had both had a litany of dating other people. So who knows. When timing is right and the stars align, things have a tendency to work out the way they should. Sometimes the path is crooked and broken, but eventually evens out.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard out there, especially when you are older and your social groups change. I do recommend the online dating thing and while it has its ups and downs, at least it gets you out and dating.
ReplyDeleteJoining different types of groups is also a great way to meet new people.
Also, it may be helpful to let your friends, family, etc know you are looking and see if anyone has a connection there.
Good luck!
Online dating is the easiest way to expose yourself to new people. Match is the biggest and worth the money. Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid are decent sites and free. Skip eHarmony. You will expose yourself to more people there in a couple days than you would meet out and about in a year. If you are sincere read through a woman entire profile and find something in it you like or have in common and mention it in your message. Don't just wink at them or use a general email you cut and paste. Show you are interested in more than looks. With so many women on these sites, it's inevitable you will meet someone great eventually. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to meet someone and have it stick you should start at the beginning. I could be entirely wrong, but I'm going to guess comparing yourself to Jerry McGuire might be a bit of an overstatement. Try being a little more humble and comfortable in who you really are. Online sites are a good way to get the ball rolling, but no guarantee that anything will stick. If you live your life the way you want, and stay true to who you really are then when the right person comes along they will just fit right in.
ReplyDeleteExpand and create new social circles. Find some new hobbies where it will put you in contact with new people, which obviously in turn allows you to meet new women.
ReplyDeleteYou can try the coffee shop, grocery store thing. That works if you are very good in those situations and not shy. If you are a bit on the shy side, work within the new circles you join as it will easier to speak with women where you already know you have common grounds to start a conversation.