Heavy Armor - Shielding from Love

Less a question, more a dilemma - that we all face.
 
Dear Jazzy

So there’s this girl right! I’ve always found her captivating and attractive and I think I had a chance one time to connect with her and totally blew it because I was scared that a connection might actually be possible. You see the thing I want most is also the thing I’m most terrified of: Love. Such a simple little word with so much more meaning than the complicated words. This armor I’ve been wearing to defend against this so called love is getting to heavy so I’m not wearing it anymore. So to summarize this I say bring it on I’m not scared and I want in on this whole love life thing that I’ve been avoiding.



Carpe Diem Knight in Heavy Armor! -

Put the artillery away, lower your shield, and show your face. The first step in accepting love is being willing to it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It’s going to hurt, but it won’t kill you.

You can get right in line with the millions of other people that are more terrified of love than death. Or you can stand up to it and finally attain what you say you want most.

To receive love you need to give love. To give love you need to love yourself. To love yourself you need to know and accept yourself. Be confident in who you are.

Sometimes we confuse loving someone with needing someone. If you feel comfortable and confident with whom you are: you learn to live on your own, you learn to survive alone, and feel good about this, then you might find it easier to open yourself up to the bigger picture. It feels less intense and less like you are taking a risk with no return.

Try not to put all your swords in one sheath (they probably won’t all fit in there anyway lol). Don’t let love be the only thing in your life. Keep friends, family, coworkers, strangers, at an arm’s length. Keep your own hobbies and interests all the while slowly building a relationship with someone you love. Try not to let this one love be the ONLY place you focus your energy.

You can love more than one person at a time. There are different loves. The love you feel for your mom might not be the same love you feel for your best friend. The love you feel for your animal won’t be the same love you feel for your brother. Allow yourself to love more than one so if it doesn’t work out, you have other places to focus your love.

Lastly, I fully believe – it’s a risk worth taking.

Friends, how can we help our Knight feel better about taking a risk of love ?

~Jazzy~

Used to be Jerry McWhat?? :)

We have found ourselves another anonymous letter.... without salutation or closure. I'll call you what I want.


Dear Jazzy,

I find myself in unusual territory - a rut. There was a time when I was like Jerry McGuire and always with someone...though I hope not the same fear of being alone. But it's been over a year now since I've had someone significant in my life. There was someone I have been interested in for years and was waiting for the right moment, but recently learned she's with someone. Then there was someone I had begun getting involved with, and she told me that she's back to having sex with some guy on the side. So I know I need to go out and meet new people, but don't really have a social circle anymore, don't drink, and don't really have a clue where to find and meet someone. Any recommendations? Thanks for taking the time to consider my current dilemma.


Dearest Jerry McWannabe -

I hear you loud and clear. This is a common subject for most singles these days. Seems all our friends are married and having kids.

Let me make a few suggestions and see if anyone else has anything to say.
1. Try finding some social groups that share the same interests as you. There are plenty of activity group websites that you could google that will help you get the ball rolling. One being Meetup.com, I've found it useful.

2. Try finding an interest that women might share with you or that you might share with them. Seeing that you didn’t really spell out what some of your interests are I can’t really help you here. For example, if you are only going to the batting cages you’re odds of finding a woman might be slim. But if you hit a yoga class every Saturday I’m sure you’d spark some interest there. It’s almost spring time, a lot of women love to plant in their gardens, maybe taking a trip on over there to help some of them pack their cars full of flowers (just please don’t be cheesey and pull one out to insert between your teeth, just not sexy at all) . Maybe hitting a coffee shop in the early morning hours (maybe after yoga?) and buying the woman who grabs your attention a cup o joe or tea.

3. Try expanding your own interests and finding new things that you enjoy doing, reading, watching, eating, etc. Sometimes we don’t find what we are looking for because we aren’t doing anything different.

4. Have you tried online dating? Sites like – Match.com, True.com, eHarmoney (careful though, I heard they reject very likable people lol), or plentyoffish.com might be worth trying out.

Since you aren’t complaining about the type of women you do meet, I won’t go into asking if you are really looking for the kind that suits you best. But be sure to be honest with yourself with the kind of women you are looking for, maybe establishing upfront that she is both physically and emotionally available.

Single or Married ladies, gents, do you have any other suggestions for Mr. McWannabe? Please do share.

~Jazzy~

Dreaming of A Past Lover

Alright! I got quite a few letters to get this blog going.


I have sifted through all of them. All legit good questions. But I chose this question below as a first to keep it pretty general and light for starters. I encourage you all to share your point of views (as much as you can given the lack of detail).

Writer asks –

Dear Jazzy,

How do I stop having dreams about a past relationship when I have been married for years????”


Since he/she didn’t leave a “name”, we will call him/her “Dreamer”




Dearest "Dreamer"

You stop thinking about them. :)

This is a hard question as you don’t really tell us what kind of dreams they are. Good, bad, warm, cold?

In our hearts we tell ourselves we are over our past relationships, we are no longer thinking about this person but in reality, if you ever really loved someone I’m not sure you ever really get over that love you had.

Do I think you are still in love with your ex? No, not necessarily. But do I think you still harbor some sort of “feelings” for this person? Perhaps you do. Be it, the loss of a friendship with that person, resentment, general concern, confusion as to why it really never worked out, SOMETHING is there. Something is sitting in your heart and the back of your mind.

Maybe you are questioning if your marriage is the right fit for you? What if you married this other person? What really happened in this past relationship? Does this other person think of you ever? Was it all really a waste of time? Maybe you’re finally coming to terms that this old relationship really is over.

It’s hard to give solid answers (although, I’m not sure anyone really could, since we don’t really know how to stop having dreams) since this is pretty vague but perhaps you can connect with this person and find out what it is that is eating you. I’ve noticed once I reconnect with an old flame (be it over the internet, in passing, on the phone, face to face) those answers come to fruition pretty immediate and I can then sleep soundly. Maybe you just need to reconfirm you’ve made the right choice.

Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s life, it’s real. You are normal.

Friends and readers, what do you think? How can Dreamer stop these sleeping thoughts?

~Jazzy~