After a 5 hour commute home, I will do my best to address the below issue:
Dear Jazzy,
I've always considered myself to be the realist in a relationship. The person who knows things will change over time and that relationships are more than just physical attraction, or intelligent conversation, or emotions. It is a blending of it all. I've always valued all aspects of a relationship, however I always put sex on the back burner...until now that is. I love my girlfriend, I love making her laugh, laying with her, going out with her, talking to her, i love everything with her...but I find myself constantly wanting to have sex with her. I’ve been with her for a little more than a year. Doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing, she just emits such sexuality that I don't want to keep my hands off of her. How do I control this, or do I just let it flow? How do I let her know that I love all these different aspects of her and not just her physical features and sexuality?
Sexual Pirate
Ey mate, Sexual Pirate-
This is a tough topic to go over in a blog forum.
First – congrats for landing someone who can make you laugh and help you to be happy.
Second – How do we control sexual urges? Ew.. why would you want to? :) It’s not a bad thing that you have these feelings, embrace them.
Third – How do you know she doesn’t already know you love her for more than physical reasons? Just tell her?
Some concerns: Your two main questions are very conflicting. One says you can’t control your sexual urges but then the other says you want her to know you want more than sex. I think it’s time to find a balance.
In most cases, actions speak louder than words. An example:
Alot depends on how she likes to be loved by a person. I’d like to say – “ so just stop touching her and making it so physical all the time” but she might enjoy that and she might receive love that way. So I’d advise against this until you learn how she receives love (for example – through affirmation or physical touch). If she’s not pushing you away or avoiding you – this is a very good thing.
There’s a lot of moving parts here.
As far as Communicationg that you love more than her physical offerings: Since you are asking how to tell her you love her for more than physical reasons, I’m going to assume you told her you have these sexual urges and you are concerned she might think that’s all you want. Hmm... catch 22. I fully believe in 100% communication but I also think that we can over communicate. If you’ve communicated, the other person receives and accepts this information, there isn’t much need to beat a dead horse. There comes a point where trust can start to form and take its place in the relationship.
If the real concern is that you are worried she just thinks you want her for sex, then stop hounding her for it, be patient for a little while and release your energy somewhere else (like your own bedroom, alone of course). Communicate that you love her for all the other amazing things, focus on those, and see where it takes you.
As for harnessing your sexual urges: My suggestions to you - try to figure out your own needs before worrying about someone else’s. Like I tell someone very dear to me – put your oxygen tank on before you try to put someone else’s on.
Questions to ask yourself – are you being honest with yourself, do you really want more than sex? Or do you really just want more sex? Are you being honest with her? Are your needs being met? Are her needs being met? How important is sex to you/her?
Maybe these urges come from being excited or perhaps more importantly, maybe your needs aren’t being met. If you’ve always put sex on the back burner maybe it’s because your needs were being met and it was never something you needed to “think about”. OR maybe your needs are being met like they never have been before and you’re just “needing” more. That is very plausible too.
Most of all – relax. She might actually already know. Sometimes it doesn't need to be that difficult.
Friends, what do YOU think? Is our writer reading into things too much? Is he not attending to his own needs? Do we have enough information? Am I reading too much into this? lol
~Jazzy~
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i think you are doing yourself a disservice by questioning the physical love you feel for and show to your girlfriend. go with the flow, as they say. if she had an issue with it, you would have been made well aware by now.
ReplyDeletecontinued from my previous comment above...
ReplyDeleteor, you could sit down one night over a glass or 4 of wine and carefully choose your words and tell her how you feel. let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you are so overwhelmed with love for her that you have a hard time containing it. be it physical, emotional or other, you are full to the brim with yearning and positivity concerning her. let her know she is loved and cherished in all possible ways, including sexually. i know a few women who would really appreciate a conversation like that.
dont be surprised if it leads to more of that sexy stuff!
I think the previous comments are all hitting on a common thread here, and I have to agree. I think your first move, is to figure out if you have a problem at all.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong the strong sexual attraction that you feel towards your partner. If you're lying in bed talking to her, and taking her out and making her laugh, then it doesn't sound like a 1 dimensional relationship to me. Find out how she feels though, there may be no problem at all.
I think its interesting you mention that you've always put sex on the back burner before. I think this may be what is causing this feeling. I don't think sex should ever be put on the back burner. In a healthy relationship, its a very important piece of the puzzle. In fact, in some ways its the most important, its that physical attraction that separates intimate relationships, from strong friendships. I think maybe you've just found a great partner for the first time.
The back burner part troubles me. Have you always put it on the back burner in other relationships but that has changed since you've been with her? Because that would be a good thing; that's a sign that you're with the right person, right?
ReplyDeleteOr has it always been on the back burner with her and now all of a sudden, you want her all the time. Because if that's the case, I can't help wondering if somethings up. Is your increased interest a reaction to something you're subconsciously sensing in her? Like maybe she's getting her needs fulfilled elsewhere?
I hate to go out on a limb like that, but otherwise I don't understand why you have a problem, because wanting to have sex with your sex partner is normal.
Good points Old Fashioned, looks like our writer needs to also think of what it is about this particular person that feeds his drive.
ReplyDeleteI think LogicalLunacy said it right. Be comfortable with your situation. Stop reading into things. Sounds like you've got a good thing going. Congrats and loosen up.
ReplyDeleteAfter a year, most relationships "settle" into the no sex or limited sex zone. The fact he still gets his rocks off on his woman is huge.
ReplyDeleteGood for you guys. I'm of the school you can't get enough, so I wouldn't be complaining!
Sexual Pirate,
ReplyDeleteIf you are not drawing sexual energy upwards, you are coming from second chakra energy, which means that you have localized genital orgasms. This actually causes you to lose energy or chi and has you feeling an insatiable desire.
I actually wrote a blog post about this, titled "Is sex addiction real or a chakra imbalance?" where I teach you how to draw that sexual energy and cycle it through your body, so that sex becomes a full body experience that not only nourishes you physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and i got Married last year and we have been living happily for a while. We used to be free with everything and never kept any secret from each other until recently everything changed when he got a new Job in NewYork 2 months ago. He has been avoiding my calls and told me he is working,i got suspicious when i saw a comment of a woman on his Facebook Picture and the way he replied her. I asked my husband about it and he told me that she is co-worker in his organization,We had a big argument and he has not been picking my calls,this went on for long until one day i decided to notify my friend about this and that was how she introduced me to Mr James(Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) a Private Investigator who helped her when she was having issues with her Husband. I never believed he could do it but until i gave him my husbands Mobile phone number. He proved to me by hacking into my husbands phone. where i found so many evidence and proof in his Text messages, Emails and pictures that my husband has an affairs with another woman.i have sent all the evidence to our lawyer. I just want to thank Mr James for helping me because i have all the evidence and proof for my lawyer,I Feel so sad about infidelity.